Well, I can honestly say that I have little to no complaints about my life right now. It's a weird feeling, seeing as how for the past two years or so I've had a cloud of depression hovering over me. I didn't even realize it was there until it wasn't anymore and I felt the change inside of me. Honestly, I can say that this feeling was tied to living in New York and working at jobs that weren't satisfying, but in all reality I was depressed because my soul was sick. Not going to church and allowing my Spirit/Soul to be fed affected me more than I like to admit. My thoughts were negative, my actions weren't those of a Christian, and my life grieved the Holy Spirit living inside me. Not until I started going to a church where I could be fed and nourished did I start to feel the cloud lifting. Then I got a new job, which is rewarding every day, and I no longer hate to get up in the morning. I sometimes wonder if all this is too good to be true - like maybe one day something awful will have to happen because who gets to live this good all the time? But maybe this is how I'm supposed to feel every day. Maybe God has been waiting to bless me like He has. Maybe He was waiting on me to make my way back to Him.
All I know is I'm finding the joy I lost way back when, and I'm finding myself smiling for no reason pretty much every day. I'm so thankful for the blessings in my life, and I hope it continues forever!!
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
Snow Day Thoughts
Well, I'm off work AGAIN due to snow....it feels like it's been forever since I worked a full week. This is the most snow we've gotten so far this winter. Today is a good day b/c Charlie is off work too and it feels good to have a lazy day together. Sampson and Oscar are both snuggled next to me snoring, I'm relaxing on the couch in my pj's, covered by a quilt, and no-bake cookies are ready to be eaten. It's all good.
So many good things are in my life right now, that it feels like it's too good to be true. I love our new church, and I love how I get challenged each service. My thoughts are changing, and my desires are different. I can feel a transformation occurring inside of me, and it's like my soul is coming alive after being in a coma for 4 years. My job is nothing but awesome, and it's been a very long time since I've looked forward to going to work every day. I have very little to complain about, and it's sad to think about how long it's been since I've been able to say that. God has blessed beyond belief, and He's brought us through some rough times into this time of refreshment.
Really looking forward to Spring fashion - the 70s are back in, and I love it!! Got a new hair style in mind, and trying to work out more so I'll look good in the coming months.
My life is abundantly good right now, and I have my God to thank! He deserves the glory and the credit for everything!
So many good things are in my life right now, that it feels like it's too good to be true. I love our new church, and I love how I get challenged each service. My thoughts are changing, and my desires are different. I can feel a transformation occurring inside of me, and it's like my soul is coming alive after being in a coma for 4 years. My job is nothing but awesome, and it's been a very long time since I've looked forward to going to work every day. I have very little to complain about, and it's sad to think about how long it's been since I've been able to say that. God has blessed beyond belief, and He's brought us through some rough times into this time of refreshment.
Really looking forward to Spring fashion - the 70s are back in, and I love it!! Got a new hair style in mind, and trying to work out more so I'll look good in the coming months.
My life is abundantly good right now, and I have my God to thank! He deserves the glory and the credit for everything!
Monday, January 24, 2011
Yielding
Yesterday the Holy Spirit was at work on my soul. Also, Satan was fighting for control over my thoughts/emotions/actions. Charlie and I got into a little spat just as we were leaving for church, and it really affected my ability to get something out of the morning service. After church, I felt oppressed, like I didn't want to speak, I didn't want to do anything. I just wanted to be alone and silent. Not sure why, but there it was. So, during the evening service I began to feel my heart stirring, and still not knowing why, I started to cry during the service. The message was on yielding completely to Grace, and not letting sin control us. We frustrate Grace when we choose to sin instead of choosing to live for God. The message was very powerful, and I knew that I needed simply to yield to God. During that service, you could tell that the Holy Spirit was working on everyone there. It was amazing and uplifting.
In Romans 5:20 the Bible says that where sin abounds, grace much more abounds. God knows the temptations that we face individually, and He sends more than enough Grace to overcome those temptations. We as humans fail to recognize that Grace, and sometimes even if we do, we ignore it and choose to sin anyway. That frustrates Grace, but God still sends it. Romans 6 is all about being delivered from sin's control by yielding to God. It's because of sin that we are all going to die anyway, so why spend your life serving the sin that's already claimed your body? Why not serve God and live a life of obedience unto righteousness?
In Romans 5:20 the Bible says that where sin abounds, grace much more abounds. God knows the temptations that we face individually, and He sends more than enough Grace to overcome those temptations. We as humans fail to recognize that Grace, and sometimes even if we do, we ignore it and choose to sin anyway. That frustrates Grace, but God still sends it. Romans 6 is all about being delivered from sin's control by yielding to God. It's because of sin that we are all going to die anyway, so why spend your life serving the sin that's already claimed your body? Why not serve God and live a life of obedience unto righteousness?
Sunday, January 16, 2011
Worship
Some thoughts from my pastor from this morning's sermon on Worship:
1. Worship is the Christian's highest calling.
2. Honor and Worship are different. Honor upholds a person because of what they are (a judge, official, etc.). Worship upholds someone because of WHO they are.
3. Prayer, Praise, and Worship are three levels of our soul's occupation:
Prayer is our soul's occupation with its needs.
Praise is our soul's occupation with the blessings from God.
Worship is our soul's occupation with God and God alone.
My soul is being fed, and I feel like I can't get enough! God is really working on my heart, and I'm thankful - so thankful!
1. Worship is the Christian's highest calling.
2. Honor and Worship are different. Honor upholds a person because of what they are (a judge, official, etc.). Worship upholds someone because of WHO they are.
3. Prayer, Praise, and Worship are three levels of our soul's occupation:
Prayer is our soul's occupation with its needs.
Praise is our soul's occupation with the blessings from God.
Worship is our soul's occupation with God and God alone.
My soul is being fed, and I feel like I can't get enough! God is really working on my heart, and I'm thankful - so thankful!
Thursday, January 13, 2011
If at first you don't succeed....
Yep, you guessed it...my New Year's resolution barely lasted one day. Actually, that's a lie. It didn't last even that. I'm talking about the one with being healthy and all that. Yep. So, I've got to start buckling down and seriously making an effort to eat healthy and work out. The desire is definitely there, and while most days I've managed to eat probably 75% healthy, there's always something that brings me back to the sugar or the large portion sizes. I blame it on the cold.
It would be so easy to do some crash diet/liquid cleanse, but I really want to live a healthy lifestyle that becomes so ingrained in my daily activities that I don't even have to think about it. I think starting a new job on Monday will help jump-start this process. There's a gym with weights and a treadmill on the premises, plus a couple of pals to work out with. I'm really excited about that.
Not to mention all the benefits that go along with eating well. Better skin, less fat so I'll look leaner, boosted energy levels, knowing that I'm taking care of myself instead of letting myself go. When I look back on photos of me when I was thinner, I remember what I was doing at that time to make me look so good, and always I was focusing on what I was eating, and I was regularly working out. It's really so simple that it's crazy to think that I ever stopped those habits. But, life gets in the way, and changes seem to disrupt me to the point that it halts any progress I've made and even sometimes reverses the good results back into what I used to be or look like. If I could get my life on somewhat of an even keel, I really think the eating and working out part would naturally fall into place. I'm excited about having a new routine, and about being serious about making the necessary changes for myself. It's not just for looks, although that's a big part of it. I also want these changes to become permanent so I grow old gracefully, and so when I have children I can lead by my example and teach them to have active and healthy lives. I also want to show both myself and Charlie that just because I'm turning 30 in six months doesn't mean I'm still not just as hot as some 20-year-old walking around!
It would be so easy to do some crash diet/liquid cleanse, but I really want to live a healthy lifestyle that becomes so ingrained in my daily activities that I don't even have to think about it. I think starting a new job on Monday will help jump-start this process. There's a gym with weights and a treadmill on the premises, plus a couple of pals to work out with. I'm really excited about that.
Not to mention all the benefits that go along with eating well. Better skin, less fat so I'll look leaner, boosted energy levels, knowing that I'm taking care of myself instead of letting myself go. When I look back on photos of me when I was thinner, I remember what I was doing at that time to make me look so good, and always I was focusing on what I was eating, and I was regularly working out. It's really so simple that it's crazy to think that I ever stopped those habits. But, life gets in the way, and changes seem to disrupt me to the point that it halts any progress I've made and even sometimes reverses the good results back into what I used to be or look like. If I could get my life on somewhat of an even keel, I really think the eating and working out part would naturally fall into place. I'm excited about having a new routine, and about being serious about making the necessary changes for myself. It's not just for looks, although that's a big part of it. I also want these changes to become permanent so I grow old gracefully, and so when I have children I can lead by my example and teach them to have active and healthy lives. I also want to show both myself and Charlie that just because I'm turning 30 in six months doesn't mean I'm still not just as hot as some 20-year-old walking around!
Saturday, January 1, 2011
My 2010
So, I'm bored, and I'm thinking about all the crazy things that happened this past year. I feel the need to write them down, so I won't forget (like I would, but anyway). Here's how my 2010 went down:
January:
1. Charlie came back to NY after being gone for two months to Arkansas doing rotations. He also went on some residency interviews.
2. I went skiing for the first time, and Charlie and I decided to start doing more outdoors activities together before we left NY.
February:
1. Went to Maine for Valentine's Day.
2. Skied again.
3. Started applying for jobs in AR.
March:
1. Charlie found out he matched at UAMS in their ER program. We started making plans for the big move.
2. Realized I would have to leave my job early b/c of the move.
April:
1. Worked my last month in NYC.
2. Packed and prepared to leave NY.
May:
1. Family visit to NY and subsequent road trip move back to AR.
2. Stuff went to storage and stayed until July.
3. Flew to St. Maarten for Charlie's graduation.
4. Started the process of buying a house.
5. Went on some job interviews.
June:
1. Began to be homeless after returning from St. Maarten.
2. Went on more job interviews and applied to more schools.
3. Lived with friends while we waited on our house to close.
4. Was hired as the 3rd grade teacher at SCA.
July:
1. Closed on our house - finally!!
2. Got our stuff out of storage.
3. Painted the entire interior of our house.
4. Put new carpet in our house.
5. Charlie started residency.
August:
1. Started back to work.
2. Worked a lot.
September:
1. Worked a lot.
October:
1. Worked a lot.
November:
1. Worked some - finally started feeling like I have my act together at work.
2. Saw family.
December:
1. Prepared for the holidays.
2. Worked some.
3. Saw family.
4. Went camping.
5. Celebrated New Year's in style!
All in all, I've had a busy year. For a while, it was really hard to imagine ever feeling settled. Now that we sort of are, I find myself loving the feeling! I love where we are living, I love the friends we have around us, I love the exciting possibilities that are starting to open up for me, and I love knowing that Charlie and I both are getting back to where we need to be. We're home. In every sense of the word. We're home and it feels great!
January:
1. Charlie came back to NY after being gone for two months to Arkansas doing rotations. He also went on some residency interviews.
2. I went skiing for the first time, and Charlie and I decided to start doing more outdoors activities together before we left NY.
February:
1. Went to Maine for Valentine's Day.
2. Skied again.
3. Started applying for jobs in AR.
March:
1. Charlie found out he matched at UAMS in their ER program. We started making plans for the big move.
2. Realized I would have to leave my job early b/c of the move.
April:
1. Worked my last month in NYC.
2. Packed and prepared to leave NY.
May:
1. Family visit to NY and subsequent road trip move back to AR.
2. Stuff went to storage and stayed until July.
3. Flew to St. Maarten for Charlie's graduation.
4. Started the process of buying a house.
5. Went on some job interviews.
June:
1. Began to be homeless after returning from St. Maarten.
2. Went on more job interviews and applied to more schools.
3. Lived with friends while we waited on our house to close.
4. Was hired as the 3rd grade teacher at SCA.
July:
1. Closed on our house - finally!!
2. Got our stuff out of storage.
3. Painted the entire interior of our house.
4. Put new carpet in our house.
5. Charlie started residency.
August:
1. Started back to work.
2. Worked a lot.
September:
1. Worked a lot.
October:
1. Worked a lot.
November:
1. Worked some - finally started feeling like I have my act together at work.
2. Saw family.
December:
1. Prepared for the holidays.
2. Worked some.
3. Saw family.
4. Went camping.
5. Celebrated New Year's in style!
All in all, I've had a busy year. For a while, it was really hard to imagine ever feeling settled. Now that we sort of are, I find myself loving the feeling! I love where we are living, I love the friends we have around us, I love the exciting possibilities that are starting to open up for me, and I love knowing that Charlie and I both are getting back to where we need to be. We're home. In every sense of the word. We're home and it feels great!
Thursday, December 30, 2010
Worthless & Sore
Well, I did two 20-minute workouts this week, and today I can barely move. So much for working out every day in preparation for my New Year's dress....
It's sad that I am so out of shape that working out for a total of 40 minutes has almost put me in the nursing home....and today I have done nothing but bum it out in sweats in front of the TV. Oh, I made some cookies.....that's really gonna help my new "eating healthy" focus for the new year! It doesn't help that a cute little pug has been keeping me company and pretty much forcing me to lay on the couch. It's all your fault, Oscar....
Trying not to think about Monday, the Day of Depression, the Day Back to Work, the Day I Have to See My Students.....maybe it'll snow Sunday night and school will be cancelled!! One can always hope! It's a sign that I need to be doing something else....if only I knew what. Can't complain about the vacay time, though!
It's sad that I am so out of shape that working out for a total of 40 minutes has almost put me in the nursing home....and today I have done nothing but bum it out in sweats in front of the TV. Oh, I made some cookies.....that's really gonna help my new "eating healthy" focus for the new year! It doesn't help that a cute little pug has been keeping me company and pretty much forcing me to lay on the couch. It's all your fault, Oscar....
Trying not to think about Monday, the Day of Depression, the Day Back to Work, the Day I Have to See My Students.....maybe it'll snow Sunday night and school will be cancelled!! One can always hope! It's a sign that I need to be doing something else....if only I knew what. Can't complain about the vacay time, though!
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